fake out

i know nothing will happen. that's the obvious outcome. it's all apart of one big pattern.

Can't stop thinking about u .. by =aoao2

so i'm going in with no expectations.
i'm not going to think about it.
when the time rolls around, i'll just hope all will go well and then go with the flow.

i mean, if i don't do that, what can i do?

avada kedavra

the empty mind full of lighters by ~kawako198

I don't really know what's going on anymore.

this is not real life.

i feel really bad now and not to mention guilty.
not to mention i realized how i blew my chance.

i would like for something to go perfectly just once this semester.

i really need that happy moment.

penguin

I'm not really sure what I should be doing.
And yet, something feels right.

maybe it has to do with the weather or the moon nearly full. Either way I have a good feeling about this weekend.

Titus' Inheritance by *PhillyBoyWonder

Halloween

I do not know how to play this game.
Well, play it well.
It's difficult, because the right words are hard to find.
Where as the wrong words are so easy to just let out.

Bad news by *duchesse-2-Guermante

Another week down. Time to figure out a strategy for this one.

[breakdown]

Breakdowns happen. Sometimes its completely unnecessary, other times its much needed.
I've learned that I cannot have them.
Not that I shouldn't, but I cannot afford to appear weak in front of my friends. And no it's not some stupid pride thing. My troubles are merely miniscule on the big plot of life. Getting upset over it just doesn't help anyone let alone get anything done.

You can piss me off.
You can treat me like a child.
You can kick me when I'm down.
You don't need to understand my life.
You can sit there and do nothing.
You can blame me for other peoples problems.

Do it.
But the one thing you CANNOT do, is tell me I'm not cut out for this. After all of this if there is one thing I know, it's that I can do my job and get it done.

So all I have to say is thank you.
I can find time to vent.
I know I'm not a child.
I know that if you kick, I'll kick back harder.
I know my life, and what's going on.
I can handle what's given to me.
I won't take the blame, I know where I stand and my feet are firmly planted.

This weekend allowed me to put into perspective what I'm doing.
You can hate on me all you want.
I will not break again.
I will show you that I can do this.

"Plan A" by =aoao2

Because if you think I cannot handle it. Well, I've got news for you world. I can care less.

bucket list.

.istanbul. by ~littlemiss-something

i feel like i'm just an item
getting checked off a list

one last thing to get done
before he graduates and leaves

i get to have some fun
but at the same time it sucks

instead of leaving me hanging
i would love something more


am i supposed to feel wanted?
because i don't know what to feel

leader the follow

i'm realizing where exactly i stand in the midst of things.
well sort of.
not really.
i'm responsible.
people turn to me if they need something.
i'm looked up to.
its weird, i never considered myself to be the leader type.
i was always the follower.
now i've grown up and its time for me to go my own path.
its time my game reflected that.

no country for old men by ~arbebuk

even though part of me wants to get up and run
i know i can't.
some people depend on me.
it's great to feel needed.

but still. i just want to do my own thing.

reality or a scattered dream

shaper of dreams by ~Sea-of-Ice

I had something to write in this blog post.
i don't remember what it was.
so it must not have been that important.

in a lucid state of unconsciousness

i honestly believe that dreams tell us exactly what we think, but are to afraid to admit to ourselves.
wake up call right?
i had a dream the other night that involved a boy. and the dream was basically everything i thought but was afraid to admit.
and thus. here i am.

but then there is that rare occasion, when you know you're dreaming. that you're lucid. how realizing that there's no way a dinosaur can fit through a small hole made me realize i was dreaming baffles me that the fact a dinosaur wasn't the first tip off.

good morning to CAVTAT by ~littlemiss-something

so what does it mean?

perhaps its that i'm willing to believe in a dinosaur knowing its not real, but when a new element (the hole) gets added reality sets in and logic wins over emotion.

can't win them all

I use books just like any normal person would.
To live vicariously through the main character.
However, the more I read this book, the more depressed I get about my own life.
You don't spend hours talking to a fake person online. Only to meet someone and date them immediatly after that false world come crashing down. You don't have oddly meaningful conversations that involve physics in a flirty way. Musicals that are student written do not get that much attention. It just doesn't happen. There is no way I can believe anything about this book, which in turn gives me no hope.

Reading it, all I can think is life is nothing like this.

I mean I really got a lot out of Vast Fields of Ordinary. It didn't have that cookie cutter happy ending, the main character is easily relateable That's my life. One really good fun week, and it turns to shit the next. worst. luck. ever. no happy ending.
I'm fairly used to it now.

Maybe I should be more aggressive with approaching people or something.

Drunk Penguins by *Homicidal-Hectate

Sorry for the emo
#sorryimnotsorry


Its odd, even after all these emo blog posts and blah blah blahs. I still consider my self optimistic. Hmm something to think about I guess.

a bizarre case of jello

I'm at that point where I just don't know.
One minute things happen one way, the next you wake up and suddenly things change.
I say whatever. I deny that there are expectations. I refuse to see something more. Yet, I hope for more. Hell I want more. A monkey wrench is always thrown into the picture.

Even my dreams are trying to tell me that it's nothing. Funny how that happens right?

Beacons by *SnowSkadi

I'm starting to give up, because when you sit down and think about it. Yes its appealing but not worth it right now. I'm still going to hold onto that beacon of hope. If I don't who will?

routine

What a week.

Winning a bag of swag, free t-shirt, first all night drafting party of the year, a close shift the following day and then marathon.
I'm wiped out.
I need like 5 naps and another bottle of tequila.

Cannot wait to do the same thing this week.

All in all it's been a pretty fantastic week.
the only thing that can improve this week would have to be owning these headphones. then i'd be set for life.

Ninja Owl Headphones by *Bobsmade

responsible

MtG: Mentor of the Meek by *algenpfleger

When will I get a chance to have fun?
Is there an appropriate moment to talk about my problems?
Should the rest be on the back burner like I've been doing all summer?

I've taken the lead on a lot of things lately. Which is good I guess.
With great power comes great responsibility.



I don't even have time to sleep let alone worry about things.

It'll all probably catch up to me later. That will be fun.

a curious case

so much by ~jaymyccah

I've never been so flustered about someone.
It's not something I expected nor wanted.

whatever.

College is going well, I'm back in the swing of things. I feel so much better being out here and surrounded by my friends.

Everything's better here. I should have stuck to my original plan and just came to school earlier.

words, thoughts, responce

Young Justice by *doubleleaf

"I read your blog"
Thank you...?

"What does this mean"
If you have to ask, nothing.

"Could you clean this up?"
I can, must you remind me until I do?

"I like your style"
Thanks, I like to think I'm pretty fly for a white guy

"I want lettuce, onions...."
Do I need to repeat myself? I don't need to know that.

"They broke up"
Sweet. Wait, he's already "with" someone else? damn.


There's a difference between saying what you're really thinking and answering.

"I read your blog"
Oh cool, thanks.

"What does this mean"
It's nothing really, don't worry about it.

"Could you clean this up?"
Sure.

"I like your style"
Thanks, I like to think I'm pretty fly for a white guy.

"I want lettuce, onions...."
You'll just let them know all the toppings and sauces you want right down there.

"They broke up"
Wow. That sucks.

Used.

Was i used?
No.
Wait....
Maybe?
I just want some answers.

four eyes

I decided to be really cool and buy a pair of faux glasses. You may be wondering right now "why the hell did he do that?"

Well, I wanted them.

They seemed cool.

And I look like a total awesome nerd in them.

So I wear them everywhere now like the dork I am.



The funny thing about it, they are slightly tinted yellow. I'm not sure why, but some people believe they are real.


I'm down with that.

oh and did I mention they glow in the dark? because they do

opening marathon.

This was my last opening marathon. Upsetting that it was the last one, but it was by far the best one.

To top it off, we have the coolest littles ever.
I absolutely love them.

Their names are Tim, Anna, M.C., and David. They are the best and I cannot wait until we all get to hang out again.

time. out.

I don't know how to tell you this but
don't take this seriously.
don't even take it personally.
don't think right now that this is about you.
because it's not.

You suck. You really do.
I'm jealous of what you have. I can admit to that.
I'm bummed it didn't work. Plain and simple.
You are one of the only reasons I'm doing this.
You kind of annoy me, but I'm hoping its just a phase.
Please, and I'm only saying this because I care and don't want to see you get hurt, be careful.
I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way.
I trust that you know what you're doing, but if it doesn't work out I'm here.
I have one regret and it's thanks to you.



I hate you, yet I don't.
I think of the good times and smile, but when I remember that it's a memory sorrow will strike.

Help from a Hufflepuff by *abosz007

My problems are miniscule compared to those around me. I get that. No seriously, I do. As selfish of me as it sounds, I hate it, it's nothing compared to everyone else. Therefore, I feel uncomfortable talking about it. I don't like talking about myself and what I feel knowing the pain you go through. I don't exactly know what to say to help with anything.


thank you.
for letting me rant.
I hope this didn't bother you, make you uncomfortable, disappoint, or raise unnecessary questions.
It wasn't even aimed at you anyway.


Just let this serve as my time-out for a moment to emo it up in a way.
since I don't want to talk about it, or have someone to talk about it to. this was best.

we all could use a little help from a hufflepuff

replaced.

Meeting between crosswalks by *sylphielmetallium

When it comes down to it. everything adds up to choosing a side.
When a relationship ends, the mutual friends usually pick a side to stay friends with.

I feel like I lost. The funny thing about it. I wasn't even in a relationship.
No matter how mad I may be with/at you, I still tell people how awesome you are.

Honestly, I don't even know what to do about it other than to leave it alone.

curiosity

Alice by =Sugarrock99

I'm fairly curious to know who actually reads my blog.

As far as i can tell, I've been averaging about 7 hits a day all from Mac's.
I only know one person who has a Mac and knows about my blog.

So who are the other 6?


Curiouser and curiouser.

mature.

Around the World by *messa

I've returned to work recently. It's the best thing right now. I've missed the people I work with.

I also discovered I'm apparently known in the drama department by people i don't even talk to. It makes me feel really good. Not to mention I make a mean pita. So what's not to love.

Although I must say the one thing that struck me as the most odd. My co-worker said something changed about me over the summer. That I appear more mature, and wiser. I mean, I did do a lot of stuff this summer. Which in a way shaped a few new ideas and feelings. Strangely enough, I wonder if she's right. If I did gain some new found maturity that I didn't have last year. I mean, she is pretty smart. Maybe she knows what she's talking about.

forgotten

TRANCE by *Archie-The-RedCat

what a way to feel.
but it's ok, honestly.
because you know, it's not worth it.

thanks.

gryffindor

House Brawl by =alicexz

I finally got my Pottermore Email and I could not be more excited. It's actually pretty cool and I'm loving all the new facts and information.

I got sorted into Gryffindor.
I'm feeling good.

carbon-monoxide

fur by ~KalbiCamdan

It feels good to be back.

Although something feels a little off.

So I'll just shrug it off.

Like it's nothing

perfectly content.

mad hatter by *bitterev

After everything that I've experienced this summer. The ups, the downs, the flat line, I'm fairly happy with the way everything turned out. Now I say fairly because i'm content. I'm happy about where I am right now.

As I sat down eating my noodles it occurred to me just how happy I actually was. Granted it was mid conversation about issues going on in life. But it got me thinking, there is so much more going to happen soon. Why dwell on the unpleasant? Its weird how much the weekend put me in perspective of what's what in my life. It's making me feel oddly optimistic.

I'm glad I'm actually stepping outside of the box, instead of just talking about it.

a bump in the road

I keep a set of rules for myself.

The Good by *kizer180

Ones that i think will help me out and keep me out of trouble.
example:
don't date friends, things will end poorly.
if there is a problem try and talk it out asap.
drink water when drinking, you'll feel better.
bros before hoes. (not really one of them. but i keep it in mind)
if you feel uncomfortable, get out of that situation.
don't take the last food item at a party, someone else may want it.


there are more, but i won't bore you with the details.
i set them to try to make life a bit easier. but there are times i break them. when i do. it sucks.

deception is key

i'm a huge fan of lies.small ones are the easiest to believe.
perhaps it's because lie lies in the middle of believe.

3 by ~przypadek

it's simple to get lost in them. carefully weave them and you can become a master of disguise.

it's no mystery

or is it?
I used to get scared watching Scooby-Doo because of all the monsters and spooky music.
Now I like to see if I can solve the Mystery as the show/movie goes on.

The Scooby-Doo Crew by *kizer180

a mistake

We all make them. Life goes on.
Last night was the most surreal experience ever.

Aside from a small hicup in the night, I had a really good time.

Smoke by ~enmi

Death.

UGH.
Fuck it.

A Brush with Death by *takeru-san

Patrón

Let the party rock.

Getting Buzzzzz......ted by *kizer180

the cards tell all

Bordom got me back to reading tarot cards.

So last night, I decided to do random readings. Pulling cards out just thinking about people.

It's kinda scary how acurate they can be to portray someone.

Lucky Fortune by `girltripped

a strange feeling

I decided to play around with my tarot cards last night. Interesting things.
I wanted to be productive today. Amazingly enough I got quite a bit done. It feels good, and at the same time I feel weird. Can't really explain it.

Lovely colours by =Camelia-07

Now if I could only figure out what to do with the rest of my day...

more, potter

I managed to register and snag a spot among the million people who get to experience Pottermore early. I'm hella excited. Who knew that being up so late would come in handy?

I want to solve the rest of the clues as they come out, because i'm weird and i'm going to help out some friends.

Things are going so well.

Trio of Heroes by ~conniiption

It's been a good weekend.

don't dis the bear

I think this is the most adorable image ever. I wish I knew who made it so i could properly credit it.
Ever since i've seen this I like to think that this is what my teddy bear does. I want to make him a shield and sword too.

Untitled, Found on StumbleUpon

Fun secret. When i was about 11 or 12. Like 7th grade, I saved up so I could make a build-a-bear. My cousin always got to make one, and I thought it was cool so I wanted one. My dad took me, and I remember he wasn't too fond that I wanted a bear. So, I believe in November of 2001 I made a bear. I named him Brights. I regretted naming him that, because it's such an odd name, but it's his and for whatever reason it works.

He sits above my bed every night.

The photo above makes me see him in a new light. Now I like to think he's pretty bad ass.


Simply because, he is bad ass.

may the odds ever be in your favor

Last night, I had a dream that had to do with a big forest, some weird elemental powers, and some bad guys.

I also have noticed a pattern. When woken up by my stereo around 10 and I fall back asleep for three more hours, I have crazy dreams. I think that's the reason it's been happening. Or at least why I can remember them.

My entertainment weekly came today. I'm so excited for the Hunger Games movie. It's going to be epic.

a subconscious desire

It's said somewhere that your dreams are directly related to your subconscious.

It makes me wonder, what the hell am I trying to tell myself.
Maybe it's that I'm helpful, or I'll be there for someone. Maybe my dreams are trying to tell me to get rid of that urge to climb things. Oh well. Whatever it is I've been having more adventurous dreams than ever.

If I had a nickle for ever weird dream I've had I'd be able to pay off college.

Coffee Kick by *takeru-san

Oh, and if you're wondering. Last night I dodged a bunch of trains frogger style. While hating some family who was getting their house redone for whatever reason. There was something off about them that no one else would see.

when the smoke clears

There must be something i'm doing before i go to bed that gives me the weirdest dreams ever.

Like two nights ago I dreamed that I worked at some sort of ocean pier beach thingy. It was like a huge building with an ocean in it, and on top of that the ocean lead into a dark purple like storm miles from shore. This was the second time I had a dream working there. The first time I just learned the basics, and in the second I ended up losing an important piece of the pier and now have to do volunteer work to pay it off.

Last night was just as weird.

I was involved in some sort of chase. Maybe it was for a movie or just a weird game. Anyway. Some big dude starts chasing three friends of mine and myself. I manage to get ahead of them, as I turn to check on them I see he throws a smoke grenade at them. Trying to save my friends i yell for them and race at the guy to fight him.

Being a giant guy he just picked me up, and all of sudden my side hurt like no tomorrow. Knowing this shouldn't have happened i tell him that I'm actually hurt and we have to stop. However he doesn't stop, so I grab his nose and look him in they eye. I tell him to put me down something is wrong. After a minute my friends come over after I'm laying on the ground. The guy admits to putting a paralyzer drug in the smoke bomb along with something else that we know causes tissue to break down. I apparently took the full hit so I'm the only one injured by it.

Gaga by *The-Hand

Lady Gaga comes up and see's how I'm doing. It's only now I realize that this is a music video shoot. Gaga is incredibly nice and tries to talk to me to ease myself.
I wake up, I'm pretty sure to the song sound of glory. Which explains quite a bit

I guess that's what i get for playing Brink before bed and getting woken up by my stereo.

acid-catalyzed oxidation

They called her old fashioned. by =gabbyd70

I am in the best possible mood right now.
Patrick found my camera. Words cannot express how excited I am.


Today was such a great day. Erin and I hit up the beach. While short, it was fun and we did science haha.

Last night I had a crazy dream, but it was like part 2 of another.
It was really cool, I'll post it later but it involves working at a bizarre beach/pier/thing-a-ma-jig and saving a kid's life..kinda.

Adventures are always fun.

chinese takeout

The game plan is as follows:
go to the beach. tomorrow.
let's hope it happens.

Driving Test by *takeru-san

I have a really good feeling about today.
I recently finished cleaning my ENTIRE room. I even dusted.
In that time of cleaning I also finally got around to plugging in my stereo. It's awesome. I found some blank CD's and now I'm rocking out old school style.
Time to make more CDs like the weirdo I am.

lazy sunday

I feel pretty fantastic today.

I think I'll make some mac and cheese. Then watch some Netflix.

Triceratops Pilot by *elsevilla

I think this photo is so cool. The blue girl however, I can live without

Maleficent

 Definition:
working or productive of harm or evil

In comes Maleficent's by *kizer180

XPS M1330
Google it.
My computer has been acting like a little bitch lately. It'll freeze randomly and the only way to fix anything is to manually restart the computer.

I've had it since August 2008.
Hard drive has been replaced once
The motherboard has been replaced 4 times
Crashed once

I think its time to cut my losses and just move on. Although, i love this computer it's perfect. Regardless of its flaws. It's the most aesthetically pleasing computer I've ever had.

But it continues to be a bitch as my left shift key keep sticking...

go to bed.

For whatever reason, I've been staying up WAY late.

a shortfilm about puppet boy x by ~cPaos

I'm sick of it.

It's like this, I go online
check facebook
check twitter
stare at my blog for like 20 minutes
facebook
blog
stumble upon.

Next thing I know It's 6 am. Then I waste my day sleeping by not waking up until around 2 or so.
The only thing I like about the amounts of sleep, are the dreams that come with it.

i spend too much time on the computer

Robot Boys by *takeru-san

I'm starting to forget what photo's I've posted on here.

I also realized, I've sidetracked from what kind of posts I wanted to do when I started this.
Mostly random meaningless stuff. like my twitter. (that's a link to my twitter. you should click it)
None of this emo crap. sorry.
ANYWAY.





Ever watch a TV show or movie where someone stands "paralyzed" when an object is flying towards them?
They stand there for like a good three minutes after they notice the object that is bout to impale them.
Why don't they have the logic to move over two feet to avoid death? There is enough time for someone who is more than ten feet away to run and push them, but they can't walk away. Come on now.
When life throws you lemons simply move out of the way THEN take them.

Out of my system

I'm in a really good mood today.

kitty barracuda - opening act by *elpinoy

Something's different about today.
Maybe it was my dream that finally threw logic back into the picture.
Or maybe I had a wake up call.
Whatever it is, keep it coming.

Its a play loud music and sing obnoxiously kinda night.

off the diving board

I had a dream last night.
If you know anything about me, then you know how vivid my dreams can get.

I was sitting in a class room with a bunch of other people. Some were familiar faces from my past, others completely new. A woman who ran a supply closet put a movie on, it was some horror movie. At one point the screen turned blood red and a little girl with a distorted face popped up on it. I looked away thinking i better not look, it'll scare me. The room was dark, and I guess the movie must have ended. People were sleeping at their desks and I snuck into the supply closet and took some things that were mine.
I took the wrong pen. I don't know why this mattered at the time, but I kept it in my pocket anyway.

The scene changed to a house, I was out side of it. Apart of a crime solving duo with a friend of mine, we were attempting to discover who the masked beast was terrorizing the town. The house was large and creepy, it looked as though it was built entirely of vines. This section of my dream is so fuzzy I can barley remember what happened in it. Aside form a chase, and a being shocked realizing the masked beast was really a friend of ours.

Next thing I know, I'm walking through the school, one that felt familiar, but was not one that I had ever really been too. A long line waited up to the diving boards. I was with a girl named Jordan. We were friends. She was about my height, thin, black, and had her hair up. Everyone in line knew that the school had be come home to some sort of demon. The little girl in the video. as we climbed up a dark stairwell leading to what would eventually be the high diving board about three stories up, the little girl came to us and told us that Jordan had to die. Jordan got incredibly upset, we weren't even half way there and all she could think about is what was going to happen to her. I oddly enough stayed calm the entire time. Part of me was happy it wasn't me. But I was upset that she had to go. I held her close as she let tears fall down her face.
We went up another flight of stairs, only this time I wasn't with Jordan. She turned into Alex. Alex was freaking out a little more as we got closer and closer to the diving board. It was old, a faded blue color with rust scattered on it. You can tell that someone hadn't been keeping it safe or clean for quite a few years. We never saw anyone jump the diving board but knew people were doing it.

It became our turn to jump, for some reason we both knew how she was going to die. There was a piece loose due to rust on the base of the diving board. When she was to jump, it was going to break and send her plummeting down to the iron work that held up the structure. Thinking she wasn't ready to do this. Not yet. We decided to cheat death, knowing that eventually she'll have to face it. We climbed down the structure careful not to land in the water. The I-beams soon became horizontal and we were crossing a long moat with a light fog at the base. I noticed a shore made of white rocks, a long pier like path that lead into the distance. A tall black man was helping people off paddle boats and onto the rocks. Alex and I climbed down from the I-beam and into a paddle boat. I noticed when I got on, that the water was a dark green. A rock had slipped from pier like landing and fell into the water. Instead of landing a few inches it sunk far down. I knew that water wasn't for swimming. As Alex and I pulled ourselves up on to the beach we were greeted by the man. He had a long look on his face. I'd seen him before, he was the junk guy from halloween town. "You conquered your fear by falling, you may move on to the next test," the line sounded well rehearsed. I looked at him puzzled, "but we didn't jump. That demon told us she was going to die if we did." He looked at us, but said nothing. Alex turned to me and gave me a look as though she understood. "I think I'm ready now"

Corb Kisses Boys by =jazzylemonade

We walked along the rocks until we found a way back to the stairwell. The line was longer than ever to get to the top. I looked back to find that I was no longer next to Alex, but a boy. I don't remember who he is. He turns to me and tells me something about missing his boyfriend. How hard it'll be for him. How he'll never again get to kiss him. Without thinking much we leaned in and kissed. It was fantastic. He gave me another, and told me his boyfriend was a good kisser too. Implying that I should find him. An image flashed across my mind of what his boyfriend looked like. As i looked out at the line all I could think was how I wanted him to stay. and woke up.


I wish I can remember who that guy was that I kissed. Its kinda funny actually. Even though I have a faint idea of what he looked like. The way he kissed, was of someone I know.

If I think about it, I kinda get what it all meant.

don't think too hard

your head will hurt

stop the rain by ~jaymyccah

it's just not in the cards

fish bowl by `loish

I think I'm going to pick up tarot reading again.
There are a few things I want to ask.

I'm feeling lucky.

don't sweat it

No seriously. Don't.

All I've been doing is thinking.
Thinking, then talking to Aly about what I've been thinking about.
Then more thinking.
Every scenario ended the same.
Leaving me with even more questions.
Oh well. I'm over it.

ROXAS by ~HsiaoKAI

well...not really.

a state of weakness

life is about... by ~blue-a

Amazing how you can go from one state of emotion to the next, just from a few little words.
whatever. big deal. it's all happened before.

"you'll get over it, i know you will" thanks. i'm aware.
"see, i can tell exactly how your feeling. its in the eyes" i know too.
i knew it had to happen, i just hoped for a little more time. that's all.

i just need to go for a walk.