artistic stile

i've done some thinking. after a few days of panic and laziness, i've set up some reasonable goals and timelines for myself.

which may help me figure out where i want to be a year from now.
-i'm going to sketch everyday. something personal/ not work related
-go to the gym everyday. i want to look awesome this summer
-teach myself new techniques in painting.
-start making my comics again.
-just make the art like that which i'm inspired by. so i can stop wishing i could be more like that person, and actually get creative.
-spend more time downtown. out of the house even, but downtown is so much cooler than irwin park. lemme tell you.
-attempt to blog at least 5 times a week (i'd say everyday, but we've seen how well that's worked out)

it's fool proof! (even if I may revert to my old ways in like a week. here's hoping i don't)

and one day i'll score someone like stiles.

a boy can dream can't he?

oh brother

You MUST have seen your face by *viria13

growing up i've always wanted a sibling.
i've always imagined what it would be like to have a twin. switching places and all that fun jazz.

now that i'm home and with my parents like all the time, i've never wanted a younger brother more. someone who i can talk to about my parents, or even to just share those "wow, mom and dad are weird" moments with. or even someone who'd want to play video games or board games with.

maybe it's just because i don't have anyone to hang out with in chicago. not to mention most of my time is either spent at home or in a car.

a weighty outlook

I go to the gym now. AND I have a personal trainer. I told her my goal is to look like an abrercrombie model by summer.

Clearly not me, they're also Hollister Models, but it's still my goal body

 According to my trainer, I'm stronger and my arms look bigger. well would you look at that. looks like I'm accomplishing one of my resolutions.

She also asked me today if my friends are noticing. I laughed and said i don't have friends.  "So you wake up, come to the gym and then go home to be a hermit?" YUP basically. Then she said she'd hang out with me.  Isn't that nice. I feel like it would be weird. who knows. I just giggled and continued doing weight lifty stuff.

a winding path of possibilites

Currently, as I type out this sentence it's 11:38pm. (I tell you this, because chances are I'll post this way later than that time)

I'm currently filled with a billion ideas. and I have grad schools open on my browser. oy vey.
I feel like I did when I was in  high school. confused, a little lost, and totally unsure of what i want to do.

When I was looking for colleges I applied to four. Two really good drama schools, A good art schoool, and a safety school for art. What i wanted to do with my life was still a mystery. I loved art, that was enough to get me through. I knew nothing about stage design, all i knew was that scenic painting was something i might be interested in doing. I applied for computer animation (this is where you should laugh) Naturally I didn't get accepted, however I did get accepted to every other major at this art school.  And I was interested in sculpture, and i thought illisturations and animation were the coolest things. I even asked disney animators what schools they went to and how they got started in art.

The more I looked into syracuse, and getting accepted, the more I wanted to leave home, explore New York and find out what exactly where this path would get me. My parents really wanted me to get into Depaul, because how much cheaper and closer it was. I was relieved when I heard nothing back about being wait-listed. It meant that Syracuse was going to happen.

College was very different than I expected, I didn't really know what I was getting into with theatre design. I ended up really liking it. We won't talk about my first few projects, but I liked doing it. Doing stage design gave me an outline, a script, and allowed me to create off of that. One thing i struggled with in AP Art was I just couldn't come up with any ideas. I needed a push or something to go off of before I could let out my creativity. Uh how I wish i wasn't so stunted and taken aback by senioritis. Perhaps my art portfolio would be more impressive.

Foundation Art quickly through perspective in my lack of drawing skills. And i didn't have the patience to sit and draw until it was perfect. I was jealous of everyone else in that class, the art majors that were fantastic, and edgy. They had styles and knew artists. I felt lost in a world that i didn't take the time to learn about.

Depths of Imagination by *JennaleeAuclair

So why all the words? I know i've probably made a post similar to everything above before. Well now I'm lost. I want sculpture back. I want to be able to draw better, illustrate, do art. I love theatre, I like to design. Having to build and paint the show's i build...well... if someone else did it I'm sure they would turn out a whole lot better.

And here I am. I have ideas I want to put to paper. Drawings to get out of my head, a stop motion video i want to make (!!) and maybe i should go back to school for this. How cool would it be to be that person who designs, builds, paints, those little sets for stop motion? Or the environments for pixar movies. Everyvtime i see a pixar art book I'm floored with awe, jealousy, longing; i want to be able to do something like that, be apart of that. Part of me always wanted to be famous, maybe an actor or something. Just a little more recognition than that quite kid in the back of english class.

So I looked into grad schools, which is intimidating. Because do I really want to continue with theatre? I want to try film, movies, animation. Get back into photography; the smell of fixer and developer in the morning and the sounds of timers ticking back the seconds of exposure. I kinda want to be an art teacher, help guide the kids with passion towards dreams like my own.

So here I am. For the first time in a long time I'm lost on my future. I don't know what path to take, or if a detour is what i'm looking for.

woah, this is a lot of words. if you made it this far congrats, you know more about me than my own friends do.
and i realize how scatter brained this all is, jumping from thought to thought. so sorry you read all that.

the page of swords

why? it was the first card that came to mind.

humans, all of you shall die by *demitasse-lover

and oddly enough, it's fairly relevant to how i'm feeling.
mentally restless, curious, energetic.

Ok, considering that I've been laying in bed all day, that last one may not apply too well.

I've got a lot on my mind lately. from trying to accomplish everything for a show, to figuring out my life once my summer job ends. 

side note. my sinuses just cleared up and i can breath crazy well. like woah crazy.

It's finally the end of the week, and I still feel like i have a million things to do before i go to sleep.

an unrealistic love story

Normally, I wouldn't consider myself one for sappy romantic ways of meeting. However, I watch too much television and read too many books.

All I want is to meet someone the old fashioned way. Without any help from dating websites, apps, or dating services.

prince charming by =starlit-sky

Ideally, and might I note most unrealistically, I would meet my prince charming at a masquerade party. Like you would see in movies. It would start just with casual bump ins: the food table, the coat check, the picture line (there's always someone talking pictures right?) Conversation would develop with each run-in. Something cheesy like "we need to stop meeting like this," and seemingly flirty. Naturally since it's a masquerade neither of us would know who we're talking to. Eventually as the night wears down and people start to leave my friends I came with would be dancing with their own respective others.

That's when, in true rom-com cliche, he would find me sitting alone at a table and ask me to dance just in time for the last song. It would be great and end in a fantastic kiss.

Here's where in traditional movie fashion. Something would cause both of us to part ways without ever knowing who it was we were dancing with. Leaving the party with just the memory of meeting a great guy and having a perfect night.

Sadly with the odds of that happening, I'm better off winning the lottery in every state this side of the Mississippi.

one day these words will reach you

happy birthday.
I mean it, and yet at the same time I don't.
There are few people in this world that I can trust will be there for me. No matter what happens, where I am, the distance between us, I'll always have them. You're different.
At one point we shared a common interest in our future. Now, I'm lucky to be included in your present. It's rough. Our lives are taking in us in different directions, to different parts of the country. I always hoped that we'd stay close no matter what. I've notice the drift last year, but thanksgiving is when that drift hit me.

Lilo and Stitch (And a smooch, oh my) by *Vilva

One day as you're sitting in your room cleaning out your stuff getting ready to move, you'll stumble upon a photo of us. I can't predict what will go through your head anymore, but i hope it's realization and sadness. Sadness that we haven't spent more than twenty minutes together, let alone talking in a very long time. Realization that this is one of those moments that we talked about doing together: moving somewhere fun.

To keep it simple; I hate that you didn't make an effort to hang out with me or talk to me after a year. Yet, I still miss your company.

runaway

I've been thinking about what it would be like to just get up and leave.
Sort of start over and try something new. All I would need is my computer, a nice camera, and an ipod for some tunes. Add a backpack of clothes and I could just leave and travel for a while.

I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be. To not be tethered to responsibilities, just out on my own taking in everything there is to see and do.

found on tumblr. artist unknown